I'm MOVING

This page is shutting down. I am moving to bigger and better things, and we all know I like it bigger!

You can now find me at www.cassandradane.wordpress.com.

So sorry for the inconvenience.

Is the Little Monster of Self-Doubt Destroying Your Sex Drive?

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Most women have a real, deep seeded self-esteem issue at some point in their lives. For some, it is during or in the year following pregnancy. For others, it may be in the winter when skin tends to be dried out and pale. Or maybe it is during a difficult time during a relationship. Some women suffer throughout their lives.

Low self-esteem, as you can imagine, drastically reduces a woman’s sex drive. It’s hard to be seductive, relaxed, out-going, and romantic when one feels like a huge dried out elephant.

Media images infiltrate our brains to the point if we are not a size zero, or two at the largest, we aren’t six feet tall, we don’t have huge boobs and long lean legs, and long, flowing hair, then we are not sexy. And ladies, we fall for it hook, line, and sinker. We believe what we see. We believe what we hear. We believe the music videos, magazine ads, car commercials, and movie heroines tell us. Although we may attempt to push that out of our minds, it’s still there, locked away, ready to pounce into our bedrooms at any given time.

All of us have a little vixen in us, and every single woman on the planet is a sexy siren. It absolutely doesn’t matter what you weigh, how short or long your hair is, how large or small your boobs are, or what color your skin is. The sexiness is there, just waiting for you to unleash it.

When that evil little monster called self-doubt rests its tiny little body on your shoulder, whispers in your ear, “Who are you fooling? You are not sexy at all. You are hideous,” what do you do? Do you cover your ears and sing, “Na, na na na na, I can’t hear you,” and ignore it completely? Do you take its words to heart and believe every syllable it speaks? Or are you somewhere in the middle? Personally, I tend to lean toward the middle. I want to tell it to shut the hell up. I want to whack it off my shoulder and smash it like a spider on the floor. I want to turn a deaf ear and believe its just another cruel remark that doesn’t matter to me, but that’s easier said that done.

How do we ignore the little devil? Stay tuned for tomorrow’s blog and together we will figure it out. If you feel brave, leave a comment telling me what you do about the little devil and how it makes you feel. Or better yet, tell me how you believe we can fight it. Together, hand it hand, we will send that little devil back to hell where it belongs and we will all emerge as sexy, strong, confident women. Are you ready, ladies? I am. Let’s get started.

What About Foreplay?

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Foreplay. What is it? Is it necessary? Can you just skip to the good stuff?

Over the years, my friends and I have debated those questions. Sometimes we had great conversations, ideas, and debates, but on occasion, we totally disagreed.

Wikipedia defines foreplay as: In human sexual behavior, foreplay is a set of intimate psychological and physically intimate acts between two or more people meant to create desire for sexual activity and sexual arousal.

In essence, foreplay gets a woman all roused up, wet, and horny. It makes men insane. Those are good things. No, they are great things. Sex is good all the time, with the exception of non-consensual sexual acts, but that is not what this blog is all about. A quickie before parents arrive, a long, sensual night when kids are away, they are all great. A romantic evening with candle light, a roaring fire, and soft music playing is awesome, but so is a good old-fashioned fuck. Sex is just great. Period.

So, if sex is always good, why worry about foreplay? And how long should you spend? Is there a certain amount of time allowed? I personally have never set an alarm clock to go off in exactly fifteen minutes or watched my clock for ten, and then looked at my husband and said, “Okay, foreplay time is up. Just do it already.” But, there have been times I have thought that.

The first thing to remember is foreplay does not begin under the covers. I know, shocking isn’t it? Now, I am not suggesting you walk around the house all day fondling one another, giving long, lingering kisses every five minutes, or anything, especially if you have kids in the house. There is much more to foreplay than most of us even consider.

Foreplay is about getting ready, setting up the scene for desire, and kindling the fire between the legs. For most women, desire is affected by much more than a touch. Had a bad day at work? It’s hard to forget that and suddenly become horny. Husband pissed you off? Well, that’s a definite turn off. For some that leads to great makeup sex, but for others, such as my self, it makes the idea of sex, well, sickening. In-laws pick on you today? A sick child in the house? The list goes on and on. As women, we tend to lose track of the fact we are indeed sexual beings. We also carry guilt and if anything is going on in our lives, we feel we don’t have the right to open up our hearts, or our legs, and have fun.

Instead of focusing on foreplay in the bed, focus on it all day long. Give your partner a fun loving pat on the ass. Flash him your boobs when the kids aren’t looking. If you are visiting parents, whisper seductively in his ear, “I’m wearing my red thong.” Think about sex! While sitting at a red light, think about your partners tongue pleasing you to the highest of highs. Read about sex. Most of us have smart phones or e-readers. Download a few short stories and read them! Talk about it. Make sexual references and jokes. Laugh about it. Just keep it in your mind.

Remember, sex in a relationship is about so much more than a physical act. It is two hearts coming together, beating as one. It’s about bonding and sharing. It’s about giving and taking. It’s about remembering why you are together.

Now, get off this blog, go put on sexy undies, read a short erotic story, flash your partner, and work on your foreplay. Have fun!

I Am On Facebook Now

I am growing up. I am becoming social networking aware. I am learning. I am now on Facebook.

I debated a long time about beginning a Facebook page. I had a personal one at one point, but it was quickly grew old. My timeline was filled with game updates or else drama. I'm not into all that. I believe live and let live. There is no room in my life for hatred of any kind, unless it's hatred of bigotry. So many people on there, who were friends from long ago, were truly against gay rights. That's one thing I will stand up for. Arguments often pursued and I eventually realized it just wasn't worth it. The few good friends I had on there remain in contact via email, so I don't feel I lost anything.

Anyway, after debating the idea with myself, I realized that as a writer, I need a page. I plan on handling this one a little differently since it's a professional page, so I hope the drama is cut out. I don't mind good healthy debates, in fact, I think they are important to learning. It's the hatred and bullying I will not tolerate. I am hoping this is fun for me, as well as you. Let's give it a shot, become friends, and see where we go, shall we?

You can find my page at: CASSANDRA DANE

I truly look forward to seeing you there, and please, get involved. Leave comments, leave a wall post, get to know folks. It's not just my page, it's ours.

Think Sexy!

Why I Write Romance/Erotica

I love reading. I read a little of everything: Classics such as Dracula, YA novels, Mystery/Suspense, Romance, Erotica, Chick-Lit and some Fantasy. Nicholas Sparks gives me hope when I feel hopeless, Sarah Dessen gives me hope for a future generation, James Patterson thrills me, George Pappas makes me tingle in all the right places, Chicki Brown makes me giggle and keeps me entertained.

I have dabbled in mystery, but I find it's not really my forte. The adventure and excitement was awesome, but planning deaths, twists and turns, etc. just didn't thrill me; therefore, I am sure my readers would not be thrilled. I want readers to close a book I have written feeling like they made a friend, a connection.

Romance is all around, if we open our hearts and minds to it. Many times, that is easier said that done. We all get scared. We don't want yet another broken heart. We forget the good love can bring. I want to bring back the feelings of infatuation, love, and the enhancing beginnings of a relationship to you, my readers. I want you to step back and remember your heart fluttering, and I want you to find that again. It doesn't matter if you have been in a relationship for twenty years, you can still get it back. No, I am not suggesting an affair. Fall in love with your partner again. Work for it - you will find it.

In all love relationships, especially once you are committed, sex is important. Hell, it's more than important. It's essential. It makes you feel alive, makes you glow, and gives you energy. It leaves you feeling sexy and wanted, and let's face it, we all want to feel that way.

Hiding under the covers pretending to be asleep does not accomplish anything but driving a wedge between you and your partner. Trust me, I know this for a fact from my own experiences. You miss out on a great deal of bonding and become two completely separate people who have forgotten how to love, bond, and laugh.

My novels are full of steamy, hot, and sexy acts. Some of you may blush, but that's okay. My language isn't clean - these books are not written for teens. But, there is love. There is happiness. There is release. There is excitement. There is fun.

What are some of your shortcomings when it comes to sex? Are you too shy? Are you just too tired? Do you hold resentments toward your partner that you bring into the bedroom? Or are you all out there and love sex? Think about it, and if you are holding back, why? Stop punishing yourself and have some fun!